27 November 2013

Running on pure emotion.

There's this game I play when I'm doing something I know I should not be doing, yet continue to do it (or at least don't try to fight it). What happens is, I assure myself that 'I can stop... when I want to... I'll get around to it.' This, of course, is never a good game to play. Okay, so it feels good, and I really like it, because I realize that I'm freaking human and I can always begin again, later, when I recover from being in a funk. Let's take facebook for example. I just reactivated my account. In reality, I just activated an account, as my old account has been obsolete for the past seven years. It was junior year of college when I deleted the damn thing, vowing never to return. Oh wait, didn't I do that with coffee five years ago? Wait, didn't I do that with... yeah, I can think of a few more things.

Anyway, regarding facebook, over the past few years, I have toyed with the idea of becoming a member again and I finally bit the bullet this past Sunday. (I broke all kind of rules this weekend; drank coffee after nearly three weeks of refraining from it. Okay, so that's only one other rule, but it was a big one and led to me binging on chocolate all week.) So aside from compulsively checking my facebook since having joined once again, because I'm an addict like that, I keep happening to catch a glampse of what's-his-face's profile pic (you know.. the guy I thought was into me, who ended up being *cough* *ahem* *cough* MARRIED). Wtf?! Okay, so I ate two rows of chocolate brownies tonight (half with walnuts, half without, for those who want the full deets). Definitely not beating myself for that or for the fact that when I type in the first letter of what's-his-face's name in the search bar of FB, his profile pic pops up. Like damn, can't a girl catch a break?

Rather than beat myself up for feeling how I'm feeling, I'm going with the flow of these emotions, with the understanding that I'll get around to getting over this shiz when I get around to it, as with all things. Setbacks are the nature of being human. Disappointment is inevitable at times. Emotions can overtake us and make us give into our old habits. Chocolate and coffee make things better, at least temporarily, and that's good enough for me. 

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