25 March 2016

withdrawal is a nasty thing, but very useful to understand.

Had a terrible bout of withdrawal (from caffeine, etc) last night and this was not a pleasant experience in the least. I was depressed and anxious and very lethargic all day. It all came to a head in the evening, and I was really upset. Took me a while to get to sleep finally, after all was said and done.

This is just a reminder to myself as to why caffeine and I do not mix well. Felt like I went to hell and back, and I'm finally leveling off, and my spirit feels somewhat better today.

It doesn't help that I spent all day yesterday on the computer, save for a walk outside in the late afternoon and a trip to the gym to lift weights in the evening. However, I really had to push myself to do those activities as I felt awful.

Today, I feel a bit more optimistic and less weighted down by that which I felt yesterday. While I do still feel tired, I feel a bit more energetic.

After last night though, I really need to lay off the chocolate, because the day after is just the worst.

21 March 2016

Don't let people get you down, and if they try, get back up and keep kicking.

This is a motivational post for those having a rough go. Sound similar? I know, I posted something like this yesterday. What can I say? I'm feeling Gandi. More like Winston Churchill, or basically anyone who has ever recommended letting go of those who let you go or walk away from you, disappoint you, push you out the door.

Don't let it get you down, any of it. Keep striving for what you hope to achieve in this life.

Sometimes, especially in times like now, I start to question everything and wonder who is this person inside of me? Can I truly do it? Can I accomplish what I always hoped to accomplish? Well, yes. I believe I can, and so should you.

If you will yourself to do anything, it can and will happen. It's all a learning experience.

Sure, this is a bit jumbled since I'm not outright specifying what it is exactly has occurred to me that is causing me to invoke this pep talk. Well, let's just say things in life haven't exactly transpired as planned, or as I envisioned exactly, but I can understand why what has happened has happened. I am learning from the distant and recent past. I'm on a path of realization.

The one main point I hope to convey is if something has happened of what appears to be negative consequence, look closer and you shall find the truth.

There was a wise person who said: ignoring the facts does not change the facts. I apologize for not giving this person due credit in the form of a name and if anyone knows who said this, please tell me and I will properly credit the individual by name. There is another wise individual who said we only find the truth by searching internally.

I believe both of the above quotes to be profoundly enlightening. Such is true and I find time and time again when I go into escapist or avoidance mode, I in essence, stunt my growth and understanding. When I search externally and look to others for guidance and advice in terms of life situations and how to deal, I remain at a distance from the truth.

As I stood in the shower today, I realized that it's possible to look at only one facet of an issue and miss the full picture. So I encourage you to look within and carve out the whole, and you will thereby achieve truth, understand the facts, and experience a sense of understanding and peace. Just try it.

To anyone going through a rough time....

If it feels like there is no end to the pain or if it feels like you just can't take a second more of whatever it is you are going through, just keep going.
This is life and it's part of the journey.
There are no shortcuts to getting to where you need to be.
You are where you need to be right in this moment, and if you feel like you're not, well maybe there are lessons to be learned from this experience.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and keep pursuing your life path.

I may just be writing this because I've been having a bit of a rough time as of late. However, I see specks of hope surfacing from time to time, and I know the only way is forward.. forward is the only way. xx

10 March 2016

things that don't make sense.

So, this post is about some things that I've reflected upon recently, that don't seem to make sense to me; that, and/or they just bother me, for what to me, are obvious reasons.

1. Receipts with a tip line, when tipping is not appropriate. For instance, there is an ice cream store which is not far from where I live. Occasionally, when I get a craving to be bad, I go there and get a vanilla ice cream with colored jimmies. The person goes and scoops ice cream into a cup and puts jimmies on the thing. A tip to me, in such an instance does not seem appropriate. I mean, how much effort does it take to do this?

Then, if I go to this one restaurant to pick up food for lunch, again I am faced with the tip line on the receipt. This is just when picking up food, not sitting at a table. However, now come to think of it, this makes sense, since it's likely just a standard receipt and can't be altered from those given to those seated at tables. Yet, it makes me feel weird when I have to sign, and I wonder, should I be tipping the host who goes to grab my food from the kitchen?

2. People who work until they are dead. People who make others miserable at work. Overly nitpicky people at work. People who don't take a lunch break and/or never take time out from the work day to go outside or just step outside the office.

I can remember as far back to when I worked in high school, and college. Every job I have ever worked, I've always taken my scheduled break. Sure, there have been times where I've had to work through lunch to complete a certain project that had a severe deadline. However, as a general rule, I have always taken my breaks, and I have savored and appreciated them. They allow me to get a fresh perspective on life and how work is not life, but rather a means to allow you to live securely.

It just doesn't make sense to me why, for instance, my boss and another coworker in the office where I work (who is elderly), never take time out during the day to leave their desk, other than to go to the bathroom.

As I was walking in the sun and enjoying the warm weather today and yesterday, as I took a stroll outside during my lunch break (I sadly only get 30 mins), I just felt pity for my boss and this other coworker.

I don't know if it's the fact that I've had cancer, that really makes me appreciate life more, or just my inherent appreciation for life. I think it's a bit of both.

3. The above kind of leads me to my next point, but the third thing that doesn't make sense to me is why others are so bothered by happy people.

I remember this one time in high school, I was sitting behind a friend. She was really an acquaintance, come to think of it, and for whatever reason, I was a bit hyped up and just my typical excitable self. So I forget her exact phrasing, but it was something to the effect of 'don't be like this, it's too early.' It was the way she said it and the wording that she used that really stung me, and I remember feeling bad for having been happy and acting excitable.

It seems this is a common occurrence in the work place setting. I find myself surrounded by people who want to bring me down and/or try to put a damper on my happiness.

What I'm making an effort in doing, is not letting them hamper my spirit and not letting them get to me.

It helps to not stop being nice just because they are rude and overzealous with the criticism.

My mom always told me not to let others change me. I guess that's the thing that is the core essence of how to overcome this challenge of people who try to bring others down.

It is tough sometimes, and it doesn't make sense. I find myself often thinking to myself, 'why does it have to be this way? why can't they just be happy? why can't they have fun at work!!?? life is too short!! we only live once and there is too little time to spend taking ourselves too seriously.'

There are those who are egotistical and asinine in their interactions and just in general. Trying to prove that they know more, that they know better. My response is: stick up for yourself, but don't sacrifice your core. Defend yourself when necessary and don't think of them more than yourself. Don't try to appease them and comfort them when they are looking to drag you down, but don't let them break you down and make you feel less than, because the truth is, you're not. You are strong and you are capable.

Guess this turned into a little bit of a pep talk. I guess the bottom line is to be true to yourself, and that's the main point I'm here to make today.