13 April 2016

Trust and believe & have faith.... ahhhh.

The above is a lyric from one of my fav songs by Keyshia Cole. She's one of my inspirations in terms of soulfulness and truth. Also, her albums have helped me get by in a time of heart struggles.

This post is about having faith and trusting in the universe and a Higher Power that things happen as they do for a reason, and for the betterment of ourselves. The reason I am writing about this is because this is one of my greatest difficulties, especially when things seem to be heading south in many respects... love-life wise, work-life wise, friend-wise.

What is coincidental is that with regard to Keyshia Cole, last summer, I was coping with some major heartbreak, and I ended up listening to Keyshia Cole on youtube. I've always been a fan, but her songs were really helping me get by in a time of need, and I started looking for the albums on Amazon to purchase them. Anyway, so I ended up going to a flea market and whaddya know but there were two Keyshia Cole cds -- with all of the songs to which I had been listening -- stuffed in a container for sale from a vendor. I mean, if that's not a sign of things being in alignment with my conscious desires, I don't know what is.

This brings me to my point in terms of having faith in general in life. I've been struggling with this concept for the past year or so, comparing myself to others and focusing on some of the negative experiences that I've had and feeling kind of bitter about a lot of things, and not so forgiving or free or willing to go with the flow.

In the past, there have been times where I have made an effort to go with the flow, by releasing my attachment to the past and present and just being in the moment, and appreciating life as it comes. Over the past year and a half, I've instead clung to the past and future for dear life, trying to force things to happen, without regard for the natural process and the powers at be.

Yet, I keep coming back to this concept of going with the flow and having faith, and trusting that things are happening right now as they are meant to happen. It is certainly interesting how at times it feels like an uphill battle, and the climb just seems too much, so you kind of crouch there alongside the mountain with your bag on your back and you're like, 'that's it, I'm done,' and you take a permanent time out, and you don't care what God has in store for you because you've had enough and you can't take it anymore. Yeah, well, then there comes a time where you gather the strength and courage, and you slowly push yourself off the ground and take one step forward, and then another... and before you know it, you're looking up and noticing the natural scenery around you... the blue sky, the deer, the geese. You're starting to feel the relaxation of your breaths and your connection with the earth.

In real life, for me this does have a direct correlation, and that is the fact that I start taking walks outside and appreciating the beauty all around me. I start reading novels. I start listening to music again, even the music that reminds me of the negative. Instead of avoiding, I start to face my feelings. Things start to take shape. My mind starts to lighten and elevate. My body starts to shake off the dust and dirt and one by one, I take the rocks out of my backpack to loosen the load. I look ahead. I call for God's help. I ask him to show me the way, to teach me how it's done. I argue with myself to trust and believe and have faith, rather than stay stuck in the bitterness.

Trusting and having faith in what is, is not easy. It's especially difficult if you're a bit on the OCD/perfectionist side. It's especially difficult if you're sensitive to change and it makes you uneasy. It's especially difficult if it's been a while since you've let go and let things be as they may without trying to exert control over circumstances.

Yet, I truly believe that if you go with the natural energy and flow of things, things come together more easily. The weight of everything doesn't feel so overwhelming. Things become amusing. You laugh again, and you release much of the trapped emotion. This is an important step to healing.