08 December 2013

Post work vacation anxiety

First day back at work post-vacation begins tomorrow. Kinda makes me feel a bit shaky. Okay, truth: I'm really anxious, and not in a good way. I'm feeling overwhelmed already and am kicking myself just a little bit for peeking on my email inbox as well as my voicemail messages. This so was not a good idea, considering the stress said actions generated. I quickly entered my voicemail passcode and as soon as I heard the number of messages, tried to block it out. Then I had this intense urge to check my email, and after resisting for a few minutes, bit the bullet. Literally, an entire page full of emails. Not as heavy an email load as my prior job, but since I have been in my current position for almost three years and have compartmentalized those experiences of my last job (due to them being deemed too traumatic to relive), I don't feel any relief in comparing and contrasting the work load. It was heavier previously, but it is all relative to the situation.

I'm trying to breathe and let myself feel how I feel and move along, or rather, move with the feelings rather than resist the strain I am feeling. The anxiety started to build a day or so ago. All week, work has been in the back of my mind. It became the forefront mainly this weekend when it was more of a reality that I would be returning. I have been out since November 28th, so a total of 11 days. It feels like I've been a part of a different realm, a separate universe than that of my job. It's a foreign land at this point, although the similar emotions of impending doom have resurfaced to some extent. However, I am doing my best to take these emotions in stride, to keep them in check. My plan is to focus on emails and voicemails the first day and to not rush completion of these tasks, but rather make my way through the rough tide purposefully and in a calm manner. I know, easier said than done. However, my goal is to not overtax myself in playing catch up. While I have the ability to work swiftly and multi-task, it doesn't always benefit my sense of well being and tends to stress me out more than necessary. If there were ever a pre-New Year's resolution begging to be started, it would be implementing decompression strategies during the work week and going with the flow.

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