My complexion has been looking pretty bad lately. It stems not only from hormonal issues (TOM), but stress from other factors, such as: too much caffeine (I've been overdoing it coffee and chocolate-wise), finding out my work crush just got married, and eating less clean than usual. Yes, I had pizza, yes I've had lots of cheese, yes I've been stuffing my face with chocolate bar after chocolate bar, and have been going at the coffee no holds freaking barred, as a form of comfort. The caffeine provides me with a temporary high, from which I come crashing down shortly thereafter, but it's all good. I figure, it motivates me to write. The pizza effect was out of pure laziness. Today was supposed to be my second day off dairy, but I had no energy to make me a clean dinner, so I went with it. The chocolate bars galore have been the result of fluctuating (ie. out of control) hormones due to that lovely TOM, yes lovely tom tom, my good old buddy.
Then there's the crush factor. Gosh darn the crush factor. I'm so feeling disheartened, still, a week after uncovering (through a facebook search) that he is married. In fact, this just happened, his marriage. Oh, and he got engaged a year ago. This would have been good to know... uhhh, about three months ago. Would have saved a lot of heartache. Now, you're probably wondering how someone can experience heartache over a work crush. Enter: me, the hopeless romantic, ever becoming more devoid of hope by the passing year. Well, I'm making progress in one regard by not checking his facebook page and not entering the first letter of either his first or last name on the search bar as inevitably his face appears, along with that of his WIFE. Lol. That's so not funny, but it IS because it's such a parody of my existence. "Hey, you. We're married over here. You, who have been single for seven plus years. Yes you, the one who got her hopes up because of a few recent random work interactions, yep, joke's on YOU. Haha! We knew we'd fool ya. Muwahaha. See us smiling as we revel in our post-marital bliss over here? Say cheese!"
Quite simply, this sucks. So, my skin suffers as a side-effect of the stress. My heart hurts too. I watched two movies last night. One was about a woman who wanted a divorce, but somewhat regretted her decision since the guy she had married was her best friend. However, she moved forward and became stronger for her decision. It was a rediscovery of herself, basically; an empowering message. This was uplifting, but still sad because I wanted her to get back together with her best friend as they seemed meant to be together. The second movie was about an older couple whose relationship was devoid of romance and intimacy, until after seeing a therapist, at which point the fire was rekindled. Movies like that, I need to avoid for the time being. Seriously not good for me right now. Makes me rethink whether I should read some of the novels I just picked up from the library tonight. Probably a good idea to start with a different genre other than romance. Good thing I picked up seven books, so I have an assortment from which to choose, probably two of which aren't too romance-heavy. We'll see how that goes.