25 December 2015


It's Christmas y'all. I remember when I was younger, it would bother me when people would write 'x-mas.' It seemed wrong to me. Like, something dark to have the x cancel out the whole meaning of the word. Oh well, I've now gotten over it and don't mind it and actually prefer the abbreviation when communicating via text.

Got up this morning and thought about life, as I typically do, and how I'm going to first go to my parents' house to exchange gifts and eat, and then visit my grandmom in a nursing home. We'll probably play cards. Not sure if my aunt and uncle will be there.

These past few days have been quite anxiety inducing as I've reflected on this past year and how it's been quite the whirlwind, with a lot having happened in the disheartening sense. To keep afloat in the midst of it all hasn't been easy. I'm starting to get back to journaling how I feel, at night. Last night, having written, I realized how much I want things to be a certain way and get frustrated when they aren't the way I want at the time I want them.

There was this sense of peace that kind of came over me as I was writing, which urged me to go with the flow and let things unfold naturally, rather than try to force things either via exerting actual force or willing them to happen with all my might through thought or prayer.

It just feels better to kind of let go of the fear that nothing will ever be right, and I will always be fighting the tide. It's empowering to let go, because it relieves the heavy burden that dampens your spirit and makes you feel like everything is out of control and spiraling downward fast. I didn't realize how entrenched in that mindset I was, until I started writing down my thoughts and had this epiphany.

So I woke up this morning with a fresh perspective, and it is helping to center me, which I'm quite thankful for, since it is Christmas, and this is the holiday that tends to get to me the most for some reason.

So here's wishing a happy x-mas to the rest of the world, and hoping that everyone finds it in their heart and soul to go with the flow and not let the fear of the unknown or the ghosts of your past ruin the holiday spirit. xxx

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