26 December 2015

Texting / online dating drama

So I've been thinking... about my primary dating dilemmas. I swear I could write a whole book on the travesties of online dating, for how long I've been at it. It has been an embarrassingly long stint. To think some people NEVER do online dating, either out of pure disinterest, or because they found someone without it, is crazy to me. I admire and envy those people.

Sometimes I wonder why I even persist when all it does is get me nowhere. You know that expression: when you keep doing the same things, expect the same results. Yeah, well my online dating experience is an epitome of that phrase. I've gone on so many dates, and it's led me to the same place every time... back to being alone and single and even more frustrated with the passage of time.

Now I'm all about experiences. Hell, I even answered the okcupid question, 'would you rather have good things happen to you or interesting things,' with the obvious: 'interesting,' of course. Haha. Well, the joke's on me, because this experience is getting old and wearing me down and causing my hopes to shrivel. It's actually gotten worse, too.

At least before, guys would actually call to set up the date. Now, everything happens via text. It's communication via messaging or email on the sites and then it segues to sms and then before you know it, you've met, and ah, yes, back to lovely sms again. Kill. me.

You see, the average person maybe doesn't mind sms. In fact, I'm sure of this, as everyone in my social circle uses sms as their primary means of communication. I get it. I didn't join the club until about a year or so ago. I've never been a fan of texting. And when I say never, I truly do mean never. I mean, I've always been irritated by it for as far back as I can remember. Sure, I used it to correspond with people several years ago. Not often, but when dating and occasionally to keep up with friends. I only started to really engage and tried to get into it a year or so ago, when a guy I liked was texting me. I thought, hmm, maybe I just need to adapt with the times. Yet, no siree. Not for me.

It allows for so many misinterpretations. In fact, right now, my one friend and I aren't on speaking terms because he misinterpreted what I wrote, and I was too lazy to call to explain. I figured, if he didn't care to dig for the deeper meaning, that's on him, not me. He knows I'm not a texter. In fact, I make it clear to everyone I meet, esp the guys from the dating sites. And what do they do? Persist with texting me. Lol. I have to laugh about it, because I can't help but think it's kind of comical.

There have been times I have complained at family gatherings, to my aunt, mom, and grandmom about this modern day quandary when it comes to dating, and they have suggested I tell the guy I prefer the phone. If he is really interested, he'll call, right? Well, oddly, no. Most, if not all, guys continue to text, despite me explaining that I am not a texter. It is such a turn off to me to even have to state this, that sometimes the conversation dies because I get sick of conversing via text and the guy doesn't bother to follow up or anything, and sometimes there's a conflict, and the guy cannot face it so they just disappear.

This is so common it's disheartening. It makes me wonder if there are any true gentlemen out there today who are old school like me and actually want to converse--like truly communicate, in a personal manner. I'm sorry I'm not into lame communication?

Sometimes I wonder if there is a guy like me out there who shares this sentiment.

I talked to my friend about it and we concluded that in order to date someone in this society, one must be down with the initial texting phase. Yet, it's so hard for me to acquiesce. I've tried. No, I've actually acquiesced. Yet, it always ends the same anyway. The lame ass who couldn't communicate... it turns out he can't actually communicate and we're better off not dating.

It seems like a fairly simple formula to me. Only texts = can't communicate/can't deal with personal interaction. It's tried and true. Trust me, I've had much experience with it.

The tricky part is to NOT get sucked into this texting chimera from the get go. And it is tempting not to give in sometimes, believe me. It seems like there's no hope otherwise, and what if this guy is the catch of the century. Well, ladies you can rest assured that the catch of the century is not wooing his woman with text after text, asking bs questions like 'how is your afternoon,' and 'why don't you come take a walk with me?' Um no thank you.

Call me jaded by the texting drama, but I'm so done with it. Like, you will not see me initiating any more texts. Sure, I will respond politely to those who try to engage with me in this manner, but I refuse to lower my standards to accommodate lame ass guys who can't communicate. It is true that guys who are bad communicators resort to texting. It is true, I tell you to save you the annoying experience.

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