13 August 2013

move over coffee, you make me ugly.

Today is my second day off coffee and I'm feeling much better than I would, anxiety-wise, had I consumed a cup today, or even half a cup. Cutting it out completely has made much more of an impact than had I merely whittled it down, and had even that one fourth cup, just because. Over the past few weeks, maybe even months, I've been meaning to halt my intake as I didn't like the side-effects. However, I kept making excuses so as not to deprive myself from the delectable flavor and feeling I get leading up to and while I am drinking it. This led to waking up and giving in, on weekends because it's my treat, and on weekdays because it's something for which to look forward. I might tell myself some sort of variation of, but it's Monday, I deserve it, it's something I look forward to, so why not? More bluntly put: I feel like crap, why the hell not? However, after feeling riddled with anxiety this weekend, I finally put my foot down and got on with the whole quitting scenario. This Monday, despite feeling tempted to just have a small bit, or even just bring some in my usual container, should a migraine strike or in case I absolutely needed the pick-me-up (more excuses, blah blah), I got on with it and have now made it nearly past day two, without a hitch. It helps that aside from a feeling of lethargy, which I actually welcome given the uncomfortably heightened anxiety caused by the constant intake, I have not been hit with a severe migraine. I'm liking the fact that my mind feels more restful and not as revved up and there is a noticeable difference in my mood; I don't feel as annoyed as I usually would coming down from the coffee high. Also, I feel like my mouth is more moisturized. Having gone through the treatment I have gone through, this is definitely a benefit of eliminating the coffee from my daily routine. The main reason I decided to cut it out was due to the fact that it makes me feel different, and not in a good way. Sure, it tastes mighty good and it gives me a kick and is a joyful experience all around, looking forward to it, feeling the comfort of the warm cup in my hands, and savoring each sip and feeling subsequently rejuvenated by this beautiful liquid non-drug (or drug, whichever is your thought). Yet, it's all so short-lived and the residual symptoms are in my opinion, not worth it. I am much too sensitive to the effects of the caffeine. I feel like I see more clearly without it and am more at peace. For that reason, I continue forward with fortitude in my efforts to relinquish the beauty that is coffee, at least on the regular.

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