After much consideration, I figured I might as well post an update. It's been quite a while, after all, and much has changed in my life. Much has transpired, I should say.
Been through a rather rough patch in terms of dating. I'll keep that mostly private for now.
Work has been incredibly stressful. Last Saturday, I worked 12 hours to finalize my written preparation for a client review this week. Then there was the mental preparation and the rehearsing.
This week was quite the whirlwind because the client's flight ended up being cancelled on Monday and therefore, all of the preparation I did Sunday and the sleepless night (I had awoken at 4 a.m. and tossed and turned from that point forward) was all for naught. Found out several of the files for which I had completed in depth summaries (and worked the 12 hour overtime shift) were being omitted from the schedule, so that really pissed me off.
Then Tuesday, there was a lot of back and forth about me needing to present, so I was wound up with anxiety all day, only to discover that it was off-again, by the end -- still no presentation. Another wasted preceding night of anxiety and dread. Then, we were on our way to Dave & Buster's through an ice storm -- yes, everyone in the office was headed out the door early, so as to arrive home safely -- yet my team was expected to trudge through the icy conditions to Dave & Busters. As though the week wasn't off to a bad enough start already, as I'm stuck in bottleneck traffic on a major highway on the way there, and feeling as though any second a car is going to slam into me from behind -- I then receive a call from a coworker, who tells me the whole thing is called off because the client felt it too dangerous to go there given the icy roads. Omg. They couldn't have made that decision before we already headed there in the ice?
So by the time Wednesday rolls around, I'm dead tired -- I get a shower the night before and take my vitamin D and I'm knocked OUT, and couldn't care less as to what happens or how shitty of a job I do in presenting.
It ends up going so well -- how's that for not caring? It's almost like God was trying to show me not to care, and in not caring, it all works out for the best. Sort of like the path of least resistance, if you know what I mean.
Kind of experienced a purging of the emotions, of some sort, Weds night, on my way home, having gotten through the intense stress of last week, all the way through the conclusion of my presentation.
Some wonderful coworker of mine was kind enough to surprise me with some Roscato, found on my chair the morning of my presentations. Such a pleasant and kind surprise. I seriously can't get enough of random acts of kindness. They fill my heart with utmost glee--as corny as that may sound in written form.
I realized that I really take so much personally, when it comes to my job, and I worry to an extreme, and it's really not healthy or helpful. And it's best to let go and just be, and let things flow as they may.
It did help to present with everyone in person rather than on the phone though. Something about being able to read people's faces helps put me at ease. Then again, most of my phone phobia at work stems from just performing in front of others and constantly fearing their judgment of me.
It's a longstanding ingrained fear that I'm working on overcoming.
Anyway, with the highs of having completed my presentations and feeling like I did well, also comes the low of having to catch up on a boat load of work that's been building up, given all of the time and energy I was required to devote to the extensive project of preparing for the presentations.
Today, I had to take off due to heavy snow.
While it felt like a bit of a relief to finally catch a small break, just thinking about the hefty workload that awaits me tomorrow daunts me to the nth degree, and I'm not exactly excited about it. I think I'll manage somehow though. I always do...
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anxiety. Show all posts
05 March 2015
18 November 2011
My tips for quieting an overactive mind and achieving a sense of calm.
This post is for all of the overthinkers out there; those whose are bombarded with a seemingly unending stream of unconnected thoughts that traverse ever so swiftly through the universe that is our mind. The big challenge when it comes to calming an overactive mind is somehow not allowing the negative or fearful thoughts to have power over you; the type of power that manifests itself in the form of anxiety and physical discomfort. If you are reading this and interested in learning of my tips to try to ease your mind and benefit your emotional well-being, you probably have exhibited some of the symptoms that characterize anxiety. Chest tightness, rapid heart rate, sweaty palms, a sense of uneasiness or looming fear, are all example symptoms of anxiety.
Meditation is thought of as a prime technique to quiet the mind and to enable one to engage in the present and in effect, create peace and ease within one's mind and body. I have tried meditating in the past and although I only experimented with it for about a month, I grew frustrated as it wasn't having the impact that I thought it would. I was still experiencing anxiety. While I am far from having all of the answers to alleviating anxiety, having reflected on what I was doing during my meditation sessions and having done some unscientific research, I have uncovered some useful tips to ease the mind:
1) Be present: Think, hear, smell, feel, be. When your thoughts are racing and you feel your anxiety level rising, take a moment to listen to what is happening around you.
2) Turn off the radio/tv: This can be helpful when external stimuli is merely adding to to your anxiety. By turning off the radio/tv, you free up mental space and are more apt to conjure up solutions to problems that may plague you on either a subconscious or conscious level. Furthermore, not having superficial noise blaring in the background can help ground you in the present. When you are surrounded by quiet, you have no choice but to confront it, and I mean that in a good way.
3) Don't judge your thoughts: Don't pay attention to your thoughts, but don't actively ignore them either. It's a balancing act. The idea is to let your thoughts flow without "doing" anything. This point is absolutely crucial for me. When I first learned about meditation, I was specifically told something to the effect of 'acknowledge the thought, and let it pass.' Taking this advice literally, impeded my ability to relax because I was trying so hard to notice and accept my thoughts. I made an effort not to suppress any particular thought. Unfortunately, the very act of trying not to suppress my thoughts contributed to more anxiety. I was doing too much rather than just letting my thoughts flow freely without unnecessary consideration. Exerting energy in terms of thinking is useful in certain situations. However, thinking in and of itself shouldn't be a task. It's not work. It's a natural, organic process. Thoughts don't require thoughts. Just something to think about, no pun intended.
4) Lower your expectations, or better yet, don't have expectations at all as far as your anxiety goes: Try not to criticize yourself if you are not progressing at the pace you would expect or prefer. Don't make comparisons between the past and the present, with regard to your progress or lack thereof. This correlates with tip #1.
Meditation is thought of as a prime technique to quiet the mind and to enable one to engage in the present and in effect, create peace and ease within one's mind and body. I have tried meditating in the past and although I only experimented with it for about a month, I grew frustrated as it wasn't having the impact that I thought it would. I was still experiencing anxiety. While I am far from having all of the answers to alleviating anxiety, having reflected on what I was doing during my meditation sessions and having done some unscientific research, I have uncovered some useful tips to ease the mind:
1) Be present: Think, hear, smell, feel, be. When your thoughts are racing and you feel your anxiety level rising, take a moment to listen to what is happening around you.
2) Turn off the radio/tv: This can be helpful when external stimuli is merely adding to to your anxiety. By turning off the radio/tv, you free up mental space and are more apt to conjure up solutions to problems that may plague you on either a subconscious or conscious level. Furthermore, not having superficial noise blaring in the background can help ground you in the present. When you are surrounded by quiet, you have no choice but to confront it, and I mean that in a good way.
3) Don't judge your thoughts: Don't pay attention to your thoughts, but don't actively ignore them either. It's a balancing act. The idea is to let your thoughts flow without "doing" anything. This point is absolutely crucial for me. When I first learned about meditation, I was specifically told something to the effect of 'acknowledge the thought, and let it pass.' Taking this advice literally, impeded my ability to relax because I was trying so hard to notice and accept my thoughts. I made an effort not to suppress any particular thought. Unfortunately, the very act of trying not to suppress my thoughts contributed to more anxiety. I was doing too much rather than just letting my thoughts flow freely without unnecessary consideration. Exerting energy in terms of thinking is useful in certain situations. However, thinking in and of itself shouldn't be a task. It's not work. It's a natural, organic process. Thoughts don't require thoughts. Just something to think about, no pun intended.
4) Lower your expectations, or better yet, don't have expectations at all as far as your anxiety goes: Try not to criticize yourself if you are not progressing at the pace you would expect or prefer. Don't make comparisons between the past and the present, with regard to your progress or lack thereof. This correlates with tip #1.
15 November 2011
Stress
Every day we are subjected to stress. Stress comes in many forms and can be easily triggered by external and internal factors. An uncomfortable setting or situation can instigate it. A heated exchange between significant others, the pressures of school work, a negative thought, and the loss of a loved one are a few examples of stress-inducing scenarios. For the purposes of this post, I am only going to write about those stresses over which we have some control. According to dictionary.com, one of the definitions of stress is (and I quote directly from the website) 'the physical pressure, pull, or other force exerted on one thing by another; strain.' I think on some occasions, this physical and emotional pressure is instigated by none other than ourselves. That is to say, that we have control over how we respond to certain situations and our stress level will be impacted as a result. That explains why in some cases, one person may react strongly and become subsequently very much affected and stressed out by a certain event, while a similar event might have very little impact on another person.
Think about the last time you got stressed. For me, it was a comment directed at me. When I say stressed, for me that means feeling irritated, annoyed, angry, and frustrated. Symptoms of stress that I often experience range from chest tightness to sweaty palms. There are a wide-range of emotional and physical responses to stress. Going back to the last time I felt stressed, it was after I was on the receiving end of a remark that someone made about me to another person, in my presence, in the form of a joke. It seemed harmless enough, and at first I did not take it to heart. However, the more I analyzed it, the more I felt the stress garner strength. Another person may have decided to let the same comment go, while I elected to analyze it, causing the physical and emotional pressure to rise and finally boil over. I focused on my thoughts about the comment so intently that it was no longer just a benign comment, but rather an insult.
It was not the comment itself that made me irritated. It was what happened afterward, in my mind; in my thought-process. Had I not paid so much attention to the comment and rather let it fade into obscurity within moments of its utterance, my stress level would not have been impacted to such an extreme. This is something to consider. For instance, the next time rudely cuts you off on the highway or acts undeservingly brash toward you, monitor your response. Are you shouting obscenities overtly or under your breath? Are you thinking critical thoughts about yourself or about the other person. What is going on with you physically? If your emotional and physical reaction is noticeable, there is pressure being exerted. The good news is that as quickly as you created the stress, you can undo it.
It all goes back to that famous expression that states that only you have control over your words and actions. Each day we are bombarded by potential stressors. People say and do as they see fit. We have no control over the actions of others. Furthermore, things happen. We will encounter less than pleasant situations. Unpleasant situations are inevitable. This is life. This does not mean we sigh and bow down in defeat and merely accept that we must feel down, angry, anxious, (insert negative emotion here) because of what happens when we are just going about our daily business. We have the power to control our thinking so as to minimize stress and feel okay, even when confronted by ignorance or ill-intent. We can elect to accept and let go of our thoughts about the event, rather than analyzing the thoughts, and letting them linger. In this manner, stress may abate just as it threatens to surface.
Think about the last time you got stressed. For me, it was a comment directed at me. When I say stressed, for me that means feeling irritated, annoyed, angry, and frustrated. Symptoms of stress that I often experience range from chest tightness to sweaty palms. There are a wide-range of emotional and physical responses to stress. Going back to the last time I felt stressed, it was after I was on the receiving end of a remark that someone made about me to another person, in my presence, in the form of a joke. It seemed harmless enough, and at first I did not take it to heart. However, the more I analyzed it, the more I felt the stress garner strength. Another person may have decided to let the same comment go, while I elected to analyze it, causing the physical and emotional pressure to rise and finally boil over. I focused on my thoughts about the comment so intently that it was no longer just a benign comment, but rather an insult.
It was not the comment itself that made me irritated. It was what happened afterward, in my mind; in my thought-process. Had I not paid so much attention to the comment and rather let it fade into obscurity within moments of its utterance, my stress level would not have been impacted to such an extreme. This is something to consider. For instance, the next time rudely cuts you off on the highway or acts undeservingly brash toward you, monitor your response. Are you shouting obscenities overtly or under your breath? Are you thinking critical thoughts about yourself or about the other person. What is going on with you physically? If your emotional and physical reaction is noticeable, there is pressure being exerted. The good news is that as quickly as you created the stress, you can undo it.
It all goes back to that famous expression that states that only you have control over your words and actions. Each day we are bombarded by potential stressors. People say and do as they see fit. We have no control over the actions of others. Furthermore, things happen. We will encounter less than pleasant situations. Unpleasant situations are inevitable. This is life. This does not mean we sigh and bow down in defeat and merely accept that we must feel down, angry, anxious, (insert negative emotion here) because of what happens when we are just going about our daily business. We have the power to control our thinking so as to minimize stress and feel okay, even when confronted by ignorance or ill-intent. We can elect to accept and let go of our thoughts about the event, rather than analyzing the thoughts, and letting them linger. In this manner, stress may abate just as it threatens to surface.
10 September 2011
My meditation practice
I have been meditating relatively consistently for about two months. When I first started, I was excited. I found that it did help calm my mind to some extent. However, the effects were not drastic and rather disappointing after the first week. I still felt anxiety and fear looming before, during, and after my meditation. This led me to question the benefits of meditation. I thought to myself, 'Is this doing more harm than good?' 'This might actually be making me feel worse.'
While meditation has not freed me from my anxiety which was my initial hope, the process of meditation has been rather enlightening. My anxiety has not lifted as much as I would like, but I am a work in progress. It has become apparent that meditation is not a cure-all; it's not a magical elixir that can relieve me of all of life's worries. Expecting meditation to instantly provide relief from sadness, pain, or any other negative thought or feeling is unrealistic. When practicing meditation, I need to do away with my expectations. I need not strive for peace and a sense of calm because when I try to achieve serenity, my mind rebels against me, and anxiety takes hold. Likewise, when I try to fight off feelings of pain, hurt, anxiety, sadness, and frustration, these emotions and thoughts intensify. I have realized that trying to get rid of or produce an emotion, has an opposite and undesirable effect.
If you analyze my above-referenced thoughts, you might ask, 'Why can't I strive for anxiety and in turn effectuate happiness and tranquility.' I would conjecture the answer to be: it is difficult to trick yourself into thinking or feeling a certain way. It seems akin to striving for happiness, because isn't that essentially what you're trying to do?
I think the best approach is to just allow your thoughts to flow freely without trying to force anything really. To be honest, I am feeling a bit doubtful and fearful about my next meditation session, because it might lead to the discomfort and anxiety I experienced during tonight's session. However, rather than struggling to ward myself of these negative thoughts, I am going to accept them. After all, I realize that these thoughts will eventually surrender and pass as all thoughts do.
While meditation has not freed me from my anxiety which was my initial hope, the process of meditation has been rather enlightening. My anxiety has not lifted as much as I would like, but I am a work in progress. It has become apparent that meditation is not a cure-all; it's not a magical elixir that can relieve me of all of life's worries. Expecting meditation to instantly provide relief from sadness, pain, or any other negative thought or feeling is unrealistic. When practicing meditation, I need to do away with my expectations. I need not strive for peace and a sense of calm because when I try to achieve serenity, my mind rebels against me, and anxiety takes hold. Likewise, when I try to fight off feelings of pain, hurt, anxiety, sadness, and frustration, these emotions and thoughts intensify. I have realized that trying to get rid of or produce an emotion, has an opposite and undesirable effect.
If you analyze my above-referenced thoughts, you might ask, 'Why can't I strive for anxiety and in turn effectuate happiness and tranquility.' I would conjecture the answer to be: it is difficult to trick yourself into thinking or feeling a certain way. It seems akin to striving for happiness, because isn't that essentially what you're trying to do?
I think the best approach is to just allow your thoughts to flow freely without trying to force anything really. To be honest, I am feeling a bit doubtful and fearful about my next meditation session, because it might lead to the discomfort and anxiety I experienced during tonight's session. However, rather than struggling to ward myself of these negative thoughts, I am going to accept them. After all, I realize that these thoughts will eventually surrender and pass as all thoughts do.
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