08 June 2013
Fragrance be damned.
Fragrance is something that affects me in a very big and very bad way. Headaches, heart fluttering, asthma, coughing, the whole works, are caused by the myriad chemicals that compose this pesky ingredient. I, along with numerous others, suffer from a combination of these symptoms when exposed to any sort of fragrance. If I could send the world a message, it would be to avoid it at all costs, as by using it, you are doing a disservice to your health as well as those around you, including your pets. The book, Get a Whiff of This, Perfumes (fragrances), the Invisible Chemical Poisons, will open your eyes to the evils of fragrance and I highly recommend reading it so as to enlighten yourself in regards to the dangers of using any product with the listed ingredient 'fragrance,' 'perfume,' or any other derivative of the word. These products are carcinogenic. Choose fragrance-free.
Good quote.
I found this quote recently while perusing the internet and it very much applies to my life right now so I'd thought I'd share for others who might find comfort in it:
Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you.
- Will Smith
- Will Smith
True dat, Will. True dat.
06 June 2013
Coworkers who will not take a hint
You know that one coworker in particular who truly gets under your skin, the one who makes you so angry you can barely stand being in their presence? Let's start with the fact that this guy types loudly and annoyingly. It's as though he's slamming his fingers into the keyboard with each stroke.
Then factor in the fact that he sits within mere inches of you, literally, right behind the thin cube wall you're facing. He's facing you. It's creepy. It feels like he's breathing down your neck. You can even smell his foul breath wafting over the cube wall some mornings. It's your personal space you feel is being violated, just listening to him smacking keys and screaming on the phone. Another coworker mentioned once, 'he doesn't know what an inside voice is.' I told her, 'I know, I have to re-read whatever I'm reading 10 times because of the noise interference.' The sad part is, even when he talks low, it is an annoying low decibel, a forced low level. Like a pubescent boy, his voice cracks.
This is not even the worst of it. His mega eavesdropping tendency takes the cake. Yesterday, I was on the phone and saw an indication that a gmail chat had been initiated. It was no one other than prepubescent boy of course. He told me what to tell the person with whom I was talking. Okay, let's gear up for this. Upon starting the phone call, I hear sticky-fingers really tune into what I'm saying. The typing gets softer. Call it my sixth sense but I know he is leaning toward the cube wall, listening to my every word. I wait for it. As expected, he cannot resist his urge. The gmail chat box arrives. It only takes reading the brief message to send me even further over the edge I am hardly clinging to, moments prior. 'Tell her to contact company X and tell them to do Y,' it reads. Mind you, I have been working in my field for over five years. This loser has only been working in the field for a mere year or two, yet thinks he is doing me a favor by giving me advice. By the way, how are you giving someone advice when you are only hearing one person's end of the conversation? Furthermore, why are you listening to the conversation? Don't you have work to do, something to occupy your mind? Mind your own business and leave me the hell alone, I want to shout.
Starting to type a response, yet deleting it after deciding I will not entertain his unsolicited input, I continue chatting with the woman on the other end, trying my best to maintain my composure when all I want to do is run over to his cube and bitch-slap his ass. My mind is now hovering above the conversation and is full of myriad ideas on how to sock it to this ignoramus. After some back and forth, the phone call comes to a close. The aggression within me is brewing to an intolerable level. Imagine a pot full of spaghetti boiling, the water now foaming on high and about to overflow. It's too late, the volcano has erupted. As soon as I hang up, he starts talking to me about the conversation. I then respond in kind that I could not advise the caller as he had recommended as it's not my position to do so. Very diplomatically, I tell him what he said to do was not appropriate. He then agreed that I could not have said what he had told me to but tried to make an excuse for his instant message which had indicated otherwise.
He asked what the rest of the conversation was about and I summarized it in about five seconds, suppressing my anger. I think I came across as nice, not the intended effect. This kid never stops. Maybe I did not respond in a harsh manner and tell him outright that I am sick and tired of his eavesdropping, but the fact that I don't engage in lengthy banter with him should signal that I'm not interested in interacting with him, period. Earlier that day, I was on the phone with a woman assisting her with some concerns on a file I am handling and he once again seized the opportunity to engage in a conversation with me. He stated 'That sounded fun,' as soon as the call ended. I briefly summarized that conversation. Even though my answers are always brief and it's so obvious that I do not like him nor do I have any desire to communicate with him, he doesn't get the hint.
Today, he comes up behind me. I am facing my computer. Without saying my name, he just starts rambling on about he hates how certain callers pronounce a word a certain way. I continue my typing and looking at the screen until I feel bad and finally turn around, and say, 'Really, oh,' trying my best to convey yet again I cannot stand this kid, holding back my true feelings. What is it with people who approach your desk and start talking to you with your back facing them? Is it not common courtesy to first state the person's name and once you have their attention (ie. they have swiveled in their chair, are now facing you, and are in effect acknowledging that they are open and ready for conversation) before continuing on with your piece? Take for instance, this coworker who is very experienced and with whom I occasionally consult for advice. Anytime I approach his desk, I first say, 'Hey Ben...' and once he's looking at me, I proceed. It is an imposition to ramble without those initial prompts that demonstrate respect for the other person rather that demanding attention. My boss has this same bad habit as 'annoying coworker.' He'll stand behind me and start mumbling without warning, and I'm like, 'Um, hello,' do you mind telling me you're there before you start spouting at the mouth?
It reminds me of freshman year in college when these two girls who were friends with my roommate would knock once, barely, and proceed to jostle the doorknob, forcing their way through the door. My roommate was hardly there when they would do this. She'd either be in class or home for the weekend. Never would these girls knock and stand there like normal people, waiting for the door to be opened by the occupant inside. They would literally knock and then open, almost simultaneously. It was so unnerving to have these two people barge into my room, laughing like Frick and Frack who had just done something so mischievously prideful. If you want to piss me off, charge into my personal space one too many times. After it kept happening, I caught on to their little ploy and as soon as I would hear their voices or any small sign that gave away their presence at the door and the impending idiocy of unwanted intruders, I would run over, lock it, run back to my desk, plop myself in my chair, and revel with great joy at their futile attempt to charge through the door. It was actually quite hilarious. 'Nope, sorry,' I would think, laughing as they would try to enter without permission, only to be greeted with the bang of the locked door.
Getting back to this annoying coworker, another reason we do not mesh well is the fact that he loves to talk and it's not just that, but his conversations always center on work. What happened to people who like to shoot the breeze and chat about other things rather than work work work. One time, at a company luncheon, this kid was seated across from me (as luck would have it), and the entire time, he gabbed about work. Not one utterance of his did not pertain to work. There is also the fact that he talks fast and he is very awkward and uncomfortable, in that he will sometimes start talking to me and then I'll respond and the conversation will drop off, no response received from him even though he is the one who initiated it. For instance, he asked me yesterday, 'Did you hear what I said?' 'No,' I responded. 'What did you say?' No response. It's bizarre and frustrating to placate someone's desire to talk and then receive no response to a simple inquiry which was merely uttered in consideration for that person. Don't worry, two can play this game. I've been nice far too long and it's no longer about that. It's about respect. I have enough respect for myself not to let this guy intrude upon my space and time, and private phone calls. From now on, I plan on responding as I see fit and I will speak my mind.
Then factor in the fact that he sits within mere inches of you, literally, right behind the thin cube wall you're facing. He's facing you. It's creepy. It feels like he's breathing down your neck. You can even smell his foul breath wafting over the cube wall some mornings. It's your personal space you feel is being violated, just listening to him smacking keys and screaming on the phone. Another coworker mentioned once, 'he doesn't know what an inside voice is.' I told her, 'I know, I have to re-read whatever I'm reading 10 times because of the noise interference.' The sad part is, even when he talks low, it is an annoying low decibel, a forced low level. Like a pubescent boy, his voice cracks.
This is not even the worst of it. His mega eavesdropping tendency takes the cake. Yesterday, I was on the phone and saw an indication that a gmail chat had been initiated. It was no one other than prepubescent boy of course. He told me what to tell the person with whom I was talking. Okay, let's gear up for this. Upon starting the phone call, I hear sticky-fingers really tune into what I'm saying. The typing gets softer. Call it my sixth sense but I know he is leaning toward the cube wall, listening to my every word. I wait for it. As expected, he cannot resist his urge. The gmail chat box arrives. It only takes reading the brief message to send me even further over the edge I am hardly clinging to, moments prior. 'Tell her to contact company X and tell them to do Y,' it reads. Mind you, I have been working in my field for over five years. This loser has only been working in the field for a mere year or two, yet thinks he is doing me a favor by giving me advice. By the way, how are you giving someone advice when you are only hearing one person's end of the conversation? Furthermore, why are you listening to the conversation? Don't you have work to do, something to occupy your mind? Mind your own business and leave me the hell alone, I want to shout.
Starting to type a response, yet deleting it after deciding I will not entertain his unsolicited input, I continue chatting with the woman on the other end, trying my best to maintain my composure when all I want to do is run over to his cube and bitch-slap his ass. My mind is now hovering above the conversation and is full of myriad ideas on how to sock it to this ignoramus. After some back and forth, the phone call comes to a close. The aggression within me is brewing to an intolerable level. Imagine a pot full of spaghetti boiling, the water now foaming on high and about to overflow. It's too late, the volcano has erupted. As soon as I hang up, he starts talking to me about the conversation. I then respond in kind that I could not advise the caller as he had recommended as it's not my position to do so. Very diplomatically, I tell him what he said to do was not appropriate. He then agreed that I could not have said what he had told me to but tried to make an excuse for his instant message which had indicated otherwise.
He asked what the rest of the conversation was about and I summarized it in about five seconds, suppressing my anger. I think I came across as nice, not the intended effect. This kid never stops. Maybe I did not respond in a harsh manner and tell him outright that I am sick and tired of his eavesdropping, but the fact that I don't engage in lengthy banter with him should signal that I'm not interested in interacting with him, period. Earlier that day, I was on the phone with a woman assisting her with some concerns on a file I am handling and he once again seized the opportunity to engage in a conversation with me. He stated 'That sounded fun,' as soon as the call ended. I briefly summarized that conversation. Even though my answers are always brief and it's so obvious that I do not like him nor do I have any desire to communicate with him, he doesn't get the hint.
Today, he comes up behind me. I am facing my computer. Without saying my name, he just starts rambling on about he hates how certain callers pronounce a word a certain way. I continue my typing and looking at the screen until I feel bad and finally turn around, and say, 'Really, oh,' trying my best to convey yet again I cannot stand this kid, holding back my true feelings. What is it with people who approach your desk and start talking to you with your back facing them? Is it not common courtesy to first state the person's name and once you have their attention (ie. they have swiveled in their chair, are now facing you, and are in effect acknowledging that they are open and ready for conversation) before continuing on with your piece? Take for instance, this coworker who is very experienced and with whom I occasionally consult for advice. Anytime I approach his desk, I first say, 'Hey Ben...' and once he's looking at me, I proceed. It is an imposition to ramble without those initial prompts that demonstrate respect for the other person rather that demanding attention. My boss has this same bad habit as 'annoying coworker.' He'll stand behind me and start mumbling without warning, and I'm like, 'Um, hello,' do you mind telling me you're there before you start spouting at the mouth?
It reminds me of freshman year in college when these two girls who were friends with my roommate would knock once, barely, and proceed to jostle the doorknob, forcing their way through the door. My roommate was hardly there when they would do this. She'd either be in class or home for the weekend. Never would these girls knock and stand there like normal people, waiting for the door to be opened by the occupant inside. They would literally knock and then open, almost simultaneously. It was so unnerving to have these two people barge into my room, laughing like Frick and Frack who had just done something so mischievously prideful. If you want to piss me off, charge into my personal space one too many times. After it kept happening, I caught on to their little ploy and as soon as I would hear their voices or any small sign that gave away their presence at the door and the impending idiocy of unwanted intruders, I would run over, lock it, run back to my desk, plop myself in my chair, and revel with great joy at their futile attempt to charge through the door. It was actually quite hilarious. 'Nope, sorry,' I would think, laughing as they would try to enter without permission, only to be greeted with the bang of the locked door.
Getting back to this annoying coworker, another reason we do not mesh well is the fact that he loves to talk and it's not just that, but his conversations always center on work. What happened to people who like to shoot the breeze and chat about other things rather than work work work. One time, at a company luncheon, this kid was seated across from me (as luck would have it), and the entire time, he gabbed about work. Not one utterance of his did not pertain to work. There is also the fact that he talks fast and he is very awkward and uncomfortable, in that he will sometimes start talking to me and then I'll respond and the conversation will drop off, no response received from him even though he is the one who initiated it. For instance, he asked me yesterday, 'Did you hear what I said?' 'No,' I responded. 'What did you say?' No response. It's bizarre and frustrating to placate someone's desire to talk and then receive no response to a simple inquiry which was merely uttered in consideration for that person. Don't worry, two can play this game. I've been nice far too long and it's no longer about that. It's about respect. I have enough respect for myself not to let this guy intrude upon my space and time, and private phone calls. From now on, I plan on responding as I see fit and I will speak my mind.
21 April 2013
30-day meditation challenge.
I'm beginning a 30-day meditation challenge. Tonight was my first night back on track and it is my goal to write down how it feels before, during, and after each session, or as many sessions as possible to gauge my progress. Therefore, to move towards that end, I'll summarize tonight's effort:
Before: It took a lot of self-prepping to go to my designated meditation room, set my alarm, and plant my butt on my bed and get started. Procrastination was the name of the game. In my mind, I had every excuse in the book. I almost convinced myself to hold off until tomorrow. However, I'm very glad I followed through with my initial desire because it would have been just another day of empty promises to myself. Hate when I do that. Taking action is the only way to getting anywhere or achieving anything, even peace of mind or clarity. The first step is to carve out the time and space for meditation.
During: When I sat down, I felt a mixture of relief and stress. A sort of 'here we go' type feeling. Hoping for the best, expecting the worst. I felt a wave of heat traverse through me; a few hot flash type sensations. A few thoughts of the future, and those items that need to be done, came to me. Moving past those to-do list tasks, I tried intermittently to concentrate on my breath as my mind wavered from sending positive thoughts into the universe to more anticipatory thoughts. Before I knew it, the alarm went off and the session had come to a close. It seemed to pass by much more quickly than I had expected. I felt a sense of relief and accomplishment.
After: Immediately after the alarm went off, I felt like checking this off my to-do list [don't judge] but also, I felt very tired, and a need to lie down came over me. Briefly attending to this need, I rested a few moments and then made note on my calendar that I meditated before perusing the internet to research the hot flash type sensation that I had experienced during the beginning of the session. As I sit here, about thirty minutes since the session's end, I feel somewhat calm. I am noticing minor sounds such as water dripping and creaking in the wall that I might otherwise not attend to as there's other external noise (such as television) dominating my senses. Also, it feels as though I am a bit less reactive, not focusing so much on any given thought, but rather allowing my thoughts to flow more freely.
Before: It took a lot of self-prepping to go to my designated meditation room, set my alarm, and plant my butt on my bed and get started. Procrastination was the name of the game. In my mind, I had every excuse in the book. I almost convinced myself to hold off until tomorrow. However, I'm very glad I followed through with my initial desire because it would have been just another day of empty promises to myself. Hate when I do that. Taking action is the only way to getting anywhere or achieving anything, even peace of mind or clarity. The first step is to carve out the time and space for meditation.
During: When I sat down, I felt a mixture of relief and stress. A sort of 'here we go' type feeling. Hoping for the best, expecting the worst. I felt a wave of heat traverse through me; a few hot flash type sensations. A few thoughts of the future, and those items that need to be done, came to me. Moving past those to-do list tasks, I tried intermittently to concentrate on my breath as my mind wavered from sending positive thoughts into the universe to more anticipatory thoughts. Before I knew it, the alarm went off and the session had come to a close. It seemed to pass by much more quickly than I had expected. I felt a sense of relief and accomplishment.
After: Immediately after the alarm went off, I felt like checking this off my to-do list [don't judge] but also, I felt very tired, and a need to lie down came over me. Briefly attending to this need, I rested a few moments and then made note on my calendar that I meditated before perusing the internet to research the hot flash type sensation that I had experienced during the beginning of the session. As I sit here, about thirty minutes since the session's end, I feel somewhat calm. I am noticing minor sounds such as water dripping and creaking in the wall that I might otherwise not attend to as there's other external noise (such as television) dominating my senses. Also, it feels as though I am a bit less reactive, not focusing so much on any given thought, but rather allowing my thoughts to flow more freely.
31 March 2013
My thoughts on meditation
I have finally committed to meditating at least fifteen minutes
per day. This started three days ago. I have been interested in meditation for
a while, and have even made the effort to meditate on a daily basis in the
past, yet I didn’t keep it going, for one reason or another; maybe I’ll expand more
on that later. Now, I feel like I’ve reached my stride and will be
diligent about it. I plan on making it thirty days straight for starters, fifteen
minutes or more, per day. Just fifteen minutes each day is sufficient, however.
For me, it helps that it’s done in a certain position, with an alarm that
sounds softly at the end of the session, so that my focus is directed away from
the sensation of my back resting against an object and I don't have to be distracted in keeping track of time. My method of meditation is as follows:
1. Set alarm for 15 minutes
2. Sit upright with spine straight and feet flat on the floor, hand with palms facing upward on thighs, eyes closed
3. Begin meditation, focusing on your breathing as you go
4. Open eyes once the alarm sounds
b) You may feel like this is a waste of time. It’s not. Meditation will help bring insight and allow you to balance and strengthen your mind and body, if you make time for it. Have faith in this. I do, and I’m no expert on the act of meditation. I’m just a beginner who has devoted a measly fifteen minutes per day for three days thus far, but this is my belief. Furthermore, fifteen minutes is really a breeze. At first, it may seem like a struggle to quiet your mind since you may feel the need to be doing something all times. After having meditated for the past three days, I now look forward to it. Being able to disregard those seemingly pressing obligations that arise in one's mind, is quite the respite. It’s as though I’m giving myself permission to turn off that noise which clutters my mind. It solidifies the fact that I'm the one in control, not my thoughts.
c) The first sit-down may be the most challenging. Then again, it seems a new challenge will arise each time you assume your meditation posture. This is part of the process. Three nights ago, I wanted to stop mid-meditation because it felt like the end was nowhere in sight. I started to worry as to whether or not I had even set my alarm. I felt tempted to open my eyes just to take a peek at the clock. Another area of frustration was attempting to tune out my thoughts and focus primarily on my breathing. At a certain point, my breath was doing its own thing, my heart was racing, and I felt very much hot and bothered (in an annoyed sense). However, I pressed on and something unexpected occurred. At one point, I began contemplating how I react on impulse at times. I thought about how I react brashly at times. Then, the realization that I could react differently, by choice, came to me. Might I consider a different approach should such a situation arise wherein I feel offended or agitated? The alarm went off as I was analyzing my behavior. I was relieved that I had been patient enough to make it the whole way through without peeking at the clock and a bit surprised at snippet of clarity I’d achieved as a result of holding on until the alarm sounded.
d) Tranquility is a side-effect of meditation. I remember meeting a Reiki healer a while back. She had such an intensely calming presence. Before the Reiki session, I had felt a mixture of fear and anxiety. However, sitting across from her put me at ease. She inquired as to whether or not I meditated and I told her I did and the length of time I devoted to it, which was minimal. She recommended that I meditate for an hour each day. This suggestion has stuck with me and I'm now working towards the goal of allotting an hour per day to meditation. Meeting her cemented my belief that meditation really does have a calming effect on people, given the warmth and peace she emanated.
1. Set alarm for 15 minutes
2. Sit upright with spine straight and feet flat on the floor, hand with palms facing upward on thighs, eyes closed
3. Begin meditation, focusing on your breathing as you go
4. Open eyes once the alarm sounds
Key points:
a) You will experience an urge to act upon some of your thoughts during meditation. For instance, the thought of that bill that’s due in a week and needs to be paid pronto or that test for which you need to study may prompt you to get off your butt and do those things which will seem to require immediate attention. At minimum, you may want to write down those items that come to mind so you will not forget to do them. Don’t. Resist those urges. Remain seated and bring your attention back to the movement of your breath.
a) You will experience an urge to act upon some of your thoughts during meditation. For instance, the thought of that bill that’s due in a week and needs to be paid pronto or that test for which you need to study may prompt you to get off your butt and do those things which will seem to require immediate attention. At minimum, you may want to write down those items that come to mind so you will not forget to do them. Don’t. Resist those urges. Remain seated and bring your attention back to the movement of your breath.
b) You may feel like this is a waste of time. It’s not. Meditation will help bring insight and allow you to balance and strengthen your mind and body, if you make time for it. Have faith in this. I do, and I’m no expert on the act of meditation. I’m just a beginner who has devoted a measly fifteen minutes per day for three days thus far, but this is my belief. Furthermore, fifteen minutes is really a breeze. At first, it may seem like a struggle to quiet your mind since you may feel the need to be doing something all times. After having meditated for the past three days, I now look forward to it. Being able to disregard those seemingly pressing obligations that arise in one's mind, is quite the respite. It’s as though I’m giving myself permission to turn off that noise which clutters my mind. It solidifies the fact that I'm the one in control, not my thoughts.
c) The first sit-down may be the most challenging. Then again, it seems a new challenge will arise each time you assume your meditation posture. This is part of the process. Three nights ago, I wanted to stop mid-meditation because it felt like the end was nowhere in sight. I started to worry as to whether or not I had even set my alarm. I felt tempted to open my eyes just to take a peek at the clock. Another area of frustration was attempting to tune out my thoughts and focus primarily on my breathing. At a certain point, my breath was doing its own thing, my heart was racing, and I felt very much hot and bothered (in an annoyed sense). However, I pressed on and something unexpected occurred. At one point, I began contemplating how I react on impulse at times. I thought about how I react brashly at times. Then, the realization that I could react differently, by choice, came to me. Might I consider a different approach should such a situation arise wherein I feel offended or agitated? The alarm went off as I was analyzing my behavior. I was relieved that I had been patient enough to make it the whole way through without peeking at the clock and a bit surprised at snippet of clarity I’d achieved as a result of holding on until the alarm sounded.
d) Tranquility is a side-effect of meditation. I remember meeting a Reiki healer a while back. She had such an intensely calming presence. Before the Reiki session, I had felt a mixture of fear and anxiety. However, sitting across from her put me at ease. She inquired as to whether or not I meditated and I told her I did and the length of time I devoted to it, which was minimal. She recommended that I meditate for an hour each day. This suggestion has stuck with me and I'm now working towards the goal of allotting an hour per day to meditation. Meeting her cemented my belief that meditation really does have a calming effect on people, given the warmth and peace she emanated.
What I have learned from my brief interlude into learning meditation thus far has
been that it’s not as difficult as you may think to carve out the time to do it. You know how quickly fifteen minutes pass when you’re
perusing the internet? Could you instead use that time, once a day, to sit in a
private space with your eyes closed, focused on your breath and achieving a state of peace? You may just walk away breathing a bit deeper and having gained some insight on your life.
23 February 2013
Baker's chocolate and coconut flour cookies.
I am obsessed with Baker's 100% chocolate bar (no, I am not affiliated in any way with this company nor have I been paid to promote or comment on this product). Who knew it was so easy to whip up a delectable chocolate treat, without any 'bad' sugar, by just melting a square in the microwave for 50 seconds and then mixing the smooth chocolate cream with raw honey, before slathering it on a homemade coconut flour cookie? It's seriously my favorite chocolate of all time, with the raw honey added for sweetness. It hits the spot and satisfies the need for chocolate without any additives. My new love! Where have you been?
Happenings & H Pylori.
So it's been almost two weeks (tomorrow will mark 2 wks to the day) since I began the GAPS diet, in a slightly modified form. The first week I was recovering from a cold so I was eating a lot of chicken broth but now I'm just sticking to the basic principles. A few days I had some grains, but these caused stomach upset so I backed off and am back to eliminating grains and eating only those foods on the full GAPS diet list. Had it not been for H Pylori I would not have committed to eating only those foods allowed on full GAPS, because it is a bit restrictive and takes some time to adapt, but I'm at the point where I don't crave sugar (save honey) and that is a major accomplishment for me. Occasionally, I'll crave bread or gluten in some form, but I have figured out a way to move past these cravings, while satiating my appetite. My staples are definitely meat, fruit, vegetables, coconut flour cookies/bread, and coconut oil. I've been taking coconut oil at 3 tsp in warm/hot water each evening as apparently this is supposed to help fight the bacteria, and I'm hoping it does the trick. I'm optimistic. I tried probiotics for about three days a week ago and quit taking those as they weren't sitting too well with me. I may try again in the future, but for now I'm sticking with GAPS and the coconut oil to try to combat the infection.
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